Singing Happy Birthday to Tristan

For those who wanted to see this.....

Ann's Mom and Step-Dad are in town. Will be posting pictures and another blog soon.

Happy 2nd Birthday My Son

Someone woke up to a room full of balloons

Dear Tristan,


Happy Birthday my son. Two years ago my life was changed forever.....for the better.  You gave me the title of "mother" and the honor has been all mine.


Thumbing through the pages of your photo albums and I am flooded with emotions.  I remember the morning you were born like it was yesterday: seeing your face for the first time, hearing you cry, crying uncontrollably as I watched the video of your baptism, holding you for the first time. Your short life has brought me so many highs and lows and everything in between. When I look at you Tristan, I see myself.  Your physical growth matches my personal growth. You have changed me for the better a thousand- fold.


I have a unique position that most will never have. I have seen the hospital bed from every single angle. First as patient when I was a child with surgeries, body casts, wheelchair, crutches. Then as a staff nurse caring for children with cancer, battling for their life. Next I entered the world of utilization review and case management with the eyes of medical necessity and health care dollar spending....But you my son, have completed me. The final and most important part missing was the experience as a mother with a chronic condition child.


People tell me all the time that God blessed you with parents that are a pastor and a nurse. I do believe that God is omniscience, but I think they got it backwards. Tristan you are so good for me.  I am now slow to judge and quick to give understanding. Less likely to give criticism and more likely to give praise. You've taught me that caring and compassion are two very different words---- not just semantics. Before you came a long I would see a special needs child in a grocery store or shopping center and give an encouraging smile to the child and mother. I cared, so I smiled. The parents had my admiration and respect, but deep down (if I were to be really honest) it was mixed with pity. I felt sorry for that mother and child; thinking to myself, "That poor mother". Tristan, you taught me the real meaning of the word, compassion. Now when I see a special needs child, I no longer have pity. I have compassion So many people showed compassion to us during your first year of life and continue to support us today. Our lives were forever impacted by strangers sending up cards, money and prayers. You helped me believe there are still kind people in this world. Now when I come upon a special child and her parents,
I see the hundred of hours spent in doctor offices, therapy visits and schools. I know the frustration of advocating for your child to get treatment, medications, and services. I feel the heartache of stares, questions and hurtful comments. I no longer just smile. The compassion both taught and experienced now drives me to walk over and give a word of encouragement, offer to be of assistance, and ask if there is anything I do to help.


Tristan, you taught me patience. Not everything is going to be on my time table, but yours.  (I realize this is an ongoing lesson and I've got to be retaught often). Whether it was rolling over, sitting up, crawling or walking---everything was accomplished on your own time. And now comes talking and eating..... I know you'll do it when you are ready. I promise Tristan, we'll make it through this stage together too.


I love you Tristan Noah with every inch of my being. You make my soul smile and my heart leap with your laugh. Some day I will hear you call out my name but for now, your lit up face when I walk into the room is all the "Mommy" I need to hear.


Thank you my son for being you and for all the things you've taught me. I've got so much to learn....and I can't wait.


Love always,


Mommy