Happy 4th Birthday

God is so good,
 God is so good,
 God is so good,
  He’s so good to me.

Do you remember me singing this to you? Do you remember how I would rub my growing belly and sing? I sang this to you almost every day--sometimes crying as I wondered what the future would hold for you. 

It is hard for me to fathom that another year has gone by already. Wasn't it just yesterday that you proudly wore your "3" shirt on the cruise ship as we celebrated your birthday? Where has the time gone?!

I am amazed how much you have grown and learned over the past year. You not only met many of the desires I had for you, but exceeded them too. This past year I heard you call me "Mama". Something I had longed to hear for the past 2 years and it was as sweet as I imagined. Daily I am amazed to hear you tell me what you want. I watch as you verbally express your desire to play, eat and go outside. Your willingness to try to speak has increased ten fold. We nervously sent you to preschool and watched it be one of the best decisions we ever made. It was a rough transition at first but you went from crying on the way to school to running into the classroom. All I have to say now is, "time to go to school" and you're out the front door. I love that you sing songs with us or hum the tune if the words are too hard or too fast for you. Tristan, you make us laugh. You make us proud. You make our hearts smile.

There will be new challenges ahead. A new school in the Fall, new teachers, new therapists, new schedule. There is a rough road ahead with the Fontan looming before us that will bring painful experiences, new faces, new medications, and a different environment. Believe me when I look into your eyes and say, "I know". I know how hard it is going to be for you. I know how brave we will ask you to be. I know scary it will be. This I promise....I promise your father and I will be with you every step of the way. Always encouraging, always guiding and always loving you.

Indeed, God is so good. We look forward to what he has in store for you in the year ahead. 

I love you always and forever.

Happy Birthday my son.

Mom

Going Dopey

Dear Tristan,

This post is specifically for you. 

Dopey.  One of the seven dwarfs in the movie "Snow White and the 7 Dwarfs". The cute lovable guy with the big ears, purple hat, who doesn't talk. He is silly and playful. Ask anyone to name the 7 dwarves and I promise no one forgets Dopey. Some may say he is not the brightest dwarf, he was actually written to be toddler- like in personality.

Every single day I ask you to be brave when I know you are anxious. The world can be a confusing and scary place with unfamiliar people, loud sounds, bright colors and words you don't understand.  I ask you....no I DEMAND that you learn to tolerate it and like it. I know it's hard, Tristan. I know it's asking a lot of a 3 year old.  I know learning to talk is frustrating and hard for you. It takes more courage to utter one sound than I will truly ever know.

I compare the learning to talk to running a marathon. No one gets up and runs a marathon over night. It takes months and months of training and discipline. It takes having good days with great long runs and also horrible days when 2 miles seems too far to ask my legs to move. I am not the best runner; I don't have the ultra thin body that elite runners. I wish I did. I wish this were easy for me. Instead it take a lot of effort for me to run 26.2 miles.

I decided to run the Dopey Challenge. I ask you every single day to be brave.  To try to talk, to eat new foods, and to tolerate unfamiliar places. I want to prove that I can be brave too. Running 48.6 miles in four days seems almost unachievable. I get anxious. I get scared. I worry about failing.  I worry that I won't cross the finish line. I worry I will let people down. All the fears and anxiety you have about talking, I have about extreme distance running. 

But I will do it for you. 

I will be brave for you.

Love,

Mom